War for Edd
by Saint Danielle
Summary: What can be worse than one obsessed girl? The answer is three really obsessed ones!
1. Prologue

Author note: I don't own anything.

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><p>That's D has never been a popular type of guy. Always, too clever. Always, too nerdy. Always, too naive and so on. Being one of the hated trio did not help him also. After the incident with Eddy's brother, however, the things changed and Eds finally became part of their small crazy society. They started playing with them, talking to one another, consequently becoming real friends.<p>

As years passed, however, the number of them went down slightly. Ed, Rolf and Johnny left their dear Cul-de-Sac. Rolf's parents managed to extend the territory of their farm, which resulted in them needing their son's assistance in managing the farm. He gave them his best wishes leaving the home on Wilfred. Johnny... Well, Johnny was supposed to return one year ago, but he was still absent. And finally, Ed. Their best and dearest friend did something nobody expected him to. All those years of watching movies and reading tons of comics served him well. He drew his own comic book about three superheroes which fight the trio of wicked mutant-girls. That didn't work. But he kept on trying and trying. And eventually, his work was accepted getting numerous positive reviews among the most talented people. After that, he tried his best writing horror movie scenarios, which were really great considering the fact that almost 99, 9% of his brain contained the names of monsters and popular plots of horror genre. In the end, despite his age, he received numerous offers of work as comics-artist and movie director. His parents supported him in this. Eventually, he moved to his relatives in New York where he started his career. All of the kids missed their friends. Even Sarah admitted it referring to the fact that she had nobody to beat, scream at and torture.

And yet, some things didn't change. And would, probably, never change. A bright example of it is the family of Kankers. Even though they stopped chasing the Eds wherever they went, they didn't give up on their so-called boyfriends. Their strategy changed becoming much more planned and seductive. The departure of Ed, however, caused an infamous blond Kanker to stop stalking for a while. But she still did some 'hunting' which never went further than binding one of the Eds. As she put, she still waited for her 'Big Ed'. At the same time, her sisters were still obsessed with hunting down and playing with their respective 'boyfriends'. Eddward checked his essay for the second time looking for any kind of mistake. Not finding them, he carefully put it in his bag making sure the other homework was present. He was about to go to the bed, when his phone suddenly rang.

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><p>Okay, guys and girls. I know that the beginning is a little shitty. But I can assure you that the things will change. I swear!<p> 


	2. Chapter 1 The dinner with Nazz

Author Note: I do not own EEnE!

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><p>"Yeah?" asked the cleverest Ed, trying to sound as calm as he could. His voice, however, was not such a great ally whenever he talked to her.<p>

"Dude, sorry for calling you so late" she chuckled a little embarrassed. Despite her current age, Nazz still possessed an unnatural ability to send Eddward into the state of paralyze whenever he heard her voice. "but I really need your help right here and now!"

One hour later, he was standing right in front of her house in black jeans, white T-shirt and yellow shirt above it. He replaced his black beanie with a black hat about three years ago, thus keeping his 'under-beanie' appearance still unknown. Thinking about what kind fo help Nazz would need this late and why she asked him to come one hour after the call, he knocked on the door. In a matter of seconds, his eyes widened in surprise, the heart skipped a beat before speeding up wildly. In front of him, Eddward the Nerd-King, stood one of the most beautiful girls in the whole school in her fading blue jeans, black T-shirt and white tank-top, which by no means could hide her cleavage.

"Hi, Double D!" she smiled charmingly. Something deep inside the brain of Edd told him to run away. Maybe, that was a part of him which had some sort of trauma from all those Kanker-cidents or something. "I hope that I didn't wake you up?"

"No" he tried to stay composed, innerly telling himself: 'Just do not faint! Just do not faint! Just do not faint! Just do not faint! Oh God, if this hormonal torture is fated to contimue just a minute more, I will die from heart attack or excessive blood lose!'. And yet, he was lucky today as in a second Nazz asked him to come in, thus avoiding his hospitalization. "So… In what kind of activity you would like me to assist?"

"Here!" she exclaimed bringing a few gorgeous looking dishes out of the kitchen. "Our domestic science teacher gave us the assignment to present our best in cooking as somewhat final exam. I cooked it but I am not sure if it's good enough, that's why I need your help."

"But why me?"

"You are one of my best friends!"

"What about Sarah?'

"Last time I asked her to help me with domestic science classes, I got a detention for two weeks."

"Jimmy?"

"Look, dude, I really appreciate him, but I don/t want to attent his three hours long lecture about the French kitchen."

"Kevin? Eddy?"

"Both of them would see it as a date. Double D, pleeease! If I fail this exam, I will be banned from cheerleading for the whole year!" she pleaded putting on her deadliest weapon, Puppy Eyes Mark-NAZZ. How can any guy say 'no' to this face?

And as Nazz started serving the food, neither she nor Double D saw two heads popping out of the bush near the window.

"Okay!" groaned the blue-haired one. Marie Kanker hasn't changed much after all time. Growing a few more inches tall, she still retained that tomboyish look of hers which, strangely, attracted a good portion of Peach Creek students. "Don't know about you, but I am gonna go there shove that my fist deep down that who-"

"Calm down!" hissed Sarah trying not to do that herself. "We can't just go there and scream 'You are breaking the rules!'. Double D will learn about everything!"

"But she is-" Marie tried to protest, but she was interrupted with a sudden cry. As they looked into the house, they hardly kept their blush and laughter. As she was walking towards Double D, Nazz tripped which caused two hot cups of coffee to land on Edd's… Ahem, private place)

"I am so sorry, Double D!" she approached him with a towel in her hand.

"That is not good…" whispered Marie as she seemed to get the idea what Nazz was going to do.

"She wouldn't dare…" groaned Sarah, her eyes full of pure rage.

"Let me help you with this!" Nazz was about to 'help' Edd with his problem. But in a flash he was gone, screaming: "No! Thanks!"

As Edd was running away like the one who sniffed Ed's armpits, two girls approached blonde haired cheerleader.

"Hey" Nazz innocently smiled. The fact that right now both Narie and Sarah are not killing each other can mean only one thing.

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><p>So here we are! What rules are they talking about? And how many times will Edd have his pants 'accidentally' ruined by Nazz? Please, read and review!<p> 


	3. Chapter 2 Beware Marie!

Author note: I do not own the show. If I did, it would never end.

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><p>Edd was sitting at the desk with his eyes fixed on the place near him. Today they were having practice work which Eddy really needed to do well. But under strange set of circumstances Double D's friend was still absent. The bell rang.<p>

"Okay, get ready for Hell - _ahem_ - I mean, practice work." Their teacher smiled. There were only three things you would really need to know about this guy. First of all, to pronounce the word "wimp" in his presence can be compared to diving into Ed's underwear! Second, this us one of the teachers whose detention can make Hell jealous. For example, that Bravo boy... Poor, blonde bastard! And finally, he really liked hamburgers. "Split into groups of two people and try not to blow anything up!"

As everyone in the class picked their partners there were only two people missing: Lee Kanker and Eddy, which meant that he was partnered with...

"Hiiii, Ovenmitt" the sound of her voice sent shivers down his spine. _Edd_y, _in the name of everything good and holy, why did you do this to me?!_ He looked at her trying not to show how scared he was. I guess, everyone in front of the screen understands that he did as great as Eddy would do something without the potential monetary gain. Eddward weakly raised his hand.

"What is that, Edwin?" their teacher growled. He was known to despise guys like Double D.

"Sorry to interrupt you, sir..." he gulped. "But, as you can see, my partner Eddy is not here. So I wanted to ask if I could..."

"Partner up with Marie Kanker?" he suddenly wondered. Double D was about to protest when in a matter of seconds Mr. Wimpfrey's hand forcefully put the btunette right next to his long-time abuser. "Of course, you can!"

Nazz was watching the whole scene with pure rage all over her face. _Not only these two gave banned me from the competition for the whole week, but now this... KAnker is trying to seduce **my **Double D right in front of my eyes! This little... Okay, Nazz... Chill... Double D is a clever guy and he will never fall for her cheap tricks like the one she is PULLING RIGHT NOW?!_ The eyes of the whole class were dead locked on Marie and Edd. While the jther groups were sitting right nex to each other, the bluenette decided to take another place. Behind Double D. Her hands on his shoulders. Her well-formed chest against the back of his. While the guys thought 'Lucky bastard', Nazz's thoughts were more about her love rival. _You little tomboyish ... How dare she touch **my** boyfriend! And only that but-_

"THAT MUST BE ME PRESSING MY CHEST AGAINST HIM!" she growled aloud. The class got dead silent. Nazz faceoalmed and asked: "I said it out loud, did not I?"

And as everyone calmly nodded, Nazz blushed like crazy wishing to turn the time back. And at the same time her partner Kevin got shocked enough to mis the wrong elements which resulted in...

**KABOOOM**

"HELP!" someone exclaimed as the whole cabinet got filled with the thich steam. "I AM BEING KIDNAPPED! HELP! KANKER DANGER! KANKER DANGER!"

"Oh, Pumpkin... I shall mke sure you will sing another way after we are done~!"

"In the name of every book of the world, Mr. Wimpfrey! Help me, I am begging you!"

"Oh, I would, but..." he looked at his clock as the bell rang. "My lesson is over so I've got no right to stop her now. See you later, kid!"

"Oh nooooo!" probably everyone in the building heard his desperate scream. Marie, on the other hand, was more than pleased with how the things worked out.

_Totally worth those fifteen Kanker burgers... _she thought dragging the poor Double D to God-knows-where!


	4. Chapter 3 Beware Marie 2!

Chapter 3. Beware Marie 2!

I do not EEnE.

By the way, I wanted to thank everyone reviewing my fic since it is really great to know someone actually likes it. By the way, how many seconds has it been

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><p>Eddward has always been a person of many names. He was a good and loyal friend. Really rare type of gentleman. Some kind of a genius. But athlete? NO FREAKING WAY!<p>

However right now he was running.

Running as fast as he could.

But...

"Aw! Curse my lack of physical exercises!" he exclaimed catching his breath after five minutes of run.

Let's be honest, Double D and athletics were like Eddy and charity. Sounds both interesting and unbelievable!

Edd looked around. Right now he could not think about anything but the things that happened around three minutes ago.

_**FLASHBACK.**_

_"Marie! I demand you to stop this act of immaturity roght here and now!" he tried to sound threatening. But the only person who would be frightened by that kind of request could be a three years old girl. And that is only if it were not Double D demanding._

_"Oh..." the bluenette grinned pinning him against one of the lockers. At this moment Double D wondered how it comes that whenever he is left one-to-one with Marie there is noboby around! She licked her lips sending shivers down his spine. "Look who is trying to be dominant one... I like it!"_

_Double D gulped trying to free himself of her arms. But, as you might have already guessed, his efforts were futile. _

**_'She has the strength of two bears!' _**_he exclaimed subconciously.__  
><em>

**_'Maybe it is us with the strength of six years old?' _**_his self-criticism wondered. **'By the way, should not we pay attention to the fact that Marie is trying to undress us?'**_

_"WHAT?!" Edd panicked. And as his shirt was almost put off from him by Marie, he did it like in one of the action movies. He dived and crawled away after which he started running as fast as he could. After all, who said that the action movies he watched were not cheesy?  
><em>

**_END of FLASHBACK._**

And here we are again with Edd trying desperately to save himself (and his 'innocence' as well). An unexpected sound touched his ears. He turned his head and faced Eddy.

Really angry Eddy.

Really angry Eddy with half of his clothes absent.

"EDDY!" Double D exclaimed happily. Eddy, on the other hand, just glared before shouting as loud as Benson could only dream to.

"DOUBLE D!YOUFUCKINGCACTUSLOVINGTRAITOR!HOWCOULDYOUDOTHISTOME!"

"Sorry" Double D cleared his ears. "Now in Englisg, please."

"I thought that you would help me with that Chemistry work! You know that I am failing and I know that you know that you are the only person I know who would help me! And guess what I found in my locker today!"

'Your long-lost adult mag?" Edd guessed.

"Yeah! Wait-" he facepalmed. "I found **THIS**!" He exclaimed throwing a cramped piece of paper into the hands od Edd.

_Deer Eddy,_

_I, Duble D, totallye not May wruiting the letter, want to meat you in the abandoned hause which iz totally not a trap set to get you! See ya man! _

_Your friend, May... I mean, Edd!_

"So what do you have to tell me about this, Mr. Traitor?" Eddy accusingly glared at Double D.

"First of all" he sighed. "There is a mistake in at least every second word. Secondly, Eddy, could not you see that May has mentioned her own name two times. And finally," he showed the bright red lip-mark at the bottom of the page."Since when do I sign my letters with red lipstick?"

"HOW COULD I KNOW?!"

"Shhh... Eddy, please, you need to keep quiet!"

"WHY?"

"Because of me..." someome whispered in a sing-sang tone. "I see you fell for that stupid ttrap of Lee."

"I did not fell for it! I let you think that I did!"

"So you admit that you did it so I could make out with you?" the redhead KAnker appeared behing him.

"Exactly! Wait-" Eddy tried to protest as Lee knocked him unconscious which was quite absurd since he was twice as tall as her.

Eddward gulped as the realization hit him. He was alone again. No... Worse. He was alone with Marie Kanker. He took the fighting pose.

"Marie, I warn you! I know at least 679 facts about the human body and all of its weak points!"

"Oh..." she came closer to him and wrapped her hands around him squeezing tightly. "Are you trying to turn me ome with the 'tough guy act'? You are doing great!"

He gulped. _Oh Lord,... This is like one of those scenes in which a fragile young woman is surrounded by the gang of brutes. If our universe works in the same way as movies , then it is time for my hero to come out!_

Nobody was here besides him and Marie. She started to shorten the distance between them, her chest pressing against him. She licked her lips expectantly.

_Come on! Universe, I do not need dramatic appearance of a hero! Just save ne and my innocence!_

"Ovenmitt, are you ready to-" she seductively smiled before a fire alram rang. In an instant they were soaked wet. The moment was ruined. "Does not matter! Come here, my..."

"I AM SAVED!"

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><p>Nazz was calmly painting her nails at home when someone knocked on the door.<p>

"Coming" she said, approaching it. Hardly did the second pass, as the door was lying on the floor. "Marie!" Nazz exclaimed surprised. "What are you doing here?"

"You..." she muttered darkly. "I know that was you who broke that damn glass and ruined out moment!"

"I would not! Don't you remember? "Anyone banned who messes with active participants is out!" Do you think I would risk that much? But I know who did."

_**FLASHBACK.**_

_"Come on, Eddy!" Lee dragged him into the grils' room. "We both know how you feel about me!"  
><em>

_"I would better spend my time in the library and volunteer organizations than hang out with you!"_

_He ran as fast as he could until he saw a certain object._

_"My freedom!" he exclaimed pushing the red buttom/ _

_A fire alarm rang._

**_END of FLASHBACK._**

"... the whole class saw it, I swear!" Nazz finished.

"Eddy is so dead..." Marie growled leaving the house. "But I have already got an idea how he will repay me..."

At the very moment Eddward felt something. Something more frightening than spending three days without a shower.

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><p><strong>What will Marie make Eddy do? What are the other rules? And where is Sarah? <strong>

**All the answers and even more questions next time!**


	5. Chapter 4 Sarah's time Part 1

I don't own EEnE.

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><p>The whole week has passed since the Chemistry incideboy was sitting in . And while Double D was enjoying his life, one infamous Kanker was plotting. Everyone knew that while Lee was a secould proclaimed leader of the whole trinity, Marie was the smartest one. However, she knew that when you are in war for something you must analyze not only your <em>target<em> but your enemies as well. After all, Sarah had enough physical power and was convincing enough while Nazz was his long-time crush.

That is why she spent the last seven days learning about them as much as she could. But there was one thing that worried her a lot.

"The whole week..." she muttered. "During this period of time Sarah has done nothing. When I think about this, she hasn' done anything like what I or that blonde harlot did." Her eyes narrowed. "Something is up. And I don't like it..."

And while Marie was trying to figure out what kind of trap that_ malevolent daughter of Devil_ was going to set up for her lover/boyfriend/future husband, the very boy was sitting in the library totally absorbed into his laptop. He was so unaware of the surroundings that he did not notice a tall guy approach him from behind. (Author reminds you that there is no way I will ever put yaoi in here.)

"DOUBLE D!" the guy exclaimed as he hugged Edd so hard that the latter was about to faint. He looked at the guy and smiled brightly. In front of him was his friend Ed. He grew a few inches taller, so did his blonde hair (since the doctor exlplained to him that shaving head doesn't create the force field to protect him from 'ButterToasteating BatRatzoids' since they didn't exist). His attire changed as well. He wore dark-green T-shirt with dark-brown jacket and pants.

"Ed! Long time no see!" He coughed hinting that although he is happy to meet his friend, he still need the oxygen. "What are you doing here? Aren't you working on "Power-ON Team"? By the way, your dialogues improved drastically!"

"All thanks to you, Double D!" Ed laughed. His comics "Power-ON Team" was about three guys named Ronald, Dominic and Johnatan. Or as all the other characters called them Ron, Don and John. Three teenagers have been unique right from the birth and all of them met when John was using his powers to get easy money from the first two. His scheme failed but they befriended and over the time started fighting crime in their CuldeCity. "You know, if not you I would still write 'come' with U and without-"

"ED!" Double D blushed. He still was not as developed in that kind of thing as were his schoolmates. "I get your point. So, what about the comics?"

"Actually, I drew two hundred numbers ahead. I drew Specials, One-shots, 'What if' specials and so on! My editor said that they are going to arrange them in some order so that my readers will not lose their interest. As my editor Danny Antonucci says, "You need to learn how to turn comics paper into money bags." Oh wait!" He started searching through his pockets and in a minute pulled an envelope out of his jacket. "Here you are, Double D!"

Edd looked at the envelope making sure that it was not one of his gravy-filled presents. Not that the treatment was unsuccesful, but sometimes Ed did illogical things. Finally, Double D opened the envelope and found two checks. One was worth 5, 000 US dollars. And the second one - 50, 000 $.

"Ed," Edd mumbled as he tried to shove the envelope back to the blonde. "Why? You shouldn't have!"

"Believe me, I should have. Double D, you know how hard it was for me when the doctor started his sessions with me. And although that guy was a great man, I felt how my whole world was falling apart. I did not eat, sleep and break everything around. And then you helped me! You helped me to improve my Grammar and Vocabulary! And thanks to you, I found a way to use my vast imagination to do something cool. That is what the second check is for."

"And the first one?"

"For the character based on you. You know, Dominic guy. Eddy got one check for his character. And-" He didn't finish, however, since he was interrupted by one well-known buck-tooth Kanker.

"Oh. My. GOD! Ed, sweetheart! You came!" Double D looked at his friend. His eye was twitching, legs were shaking and he was sweating bullets.

"I... I... ED NEED RUN! RUN!" Well, one of the triggers which could cause Ed to return back to his original self was strong fear/panic. And as he rushed towards the window he exclaimed. "DOUBLE D, ED ALMOST FORGOT! YOU AND EDDY COME TO ME FOR DINNER! And-AAAH!" he finished falling out of the window.

"Ed, my man, wait for me!" May sing-songed as she followed her so called "boyfriend". Double D looked at the whole scene with eyes wide-opened.

"Why do I still get surprised?" he asked himself.

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><p>Eddy was having a great time. Not only Lumpy came back but brought some cash as well. He started at the clothes shop where he went to but didn't buy anything. But today he picked a bunch of them and was about to pay for them...<p>

"Oh, thanks!" a blue-haired girl exclaimed taking money out of Eddy's hand.

"Marie, what the hell?! Give me my money back!"

"Not until where you got them."

"They are from Lumpy. Now give it back!"

"Ed is back?" Marie asked. "So that is why May said nothing when she saw me reading her diary. So how is he?"

"He is fine. Arranged some dinner for me, Double D, Sarah and..."

"Wait. Right. There." she hissed with a deadly glare. "Ed arranged a dinner? It is so not Ed-like, isn't it? Could Sarah..." then the light bulb turned on right above her head. " Eddy, one week ago you ruined my perfect chance to have some making-out with my dreamboat. Time to pay back."

"That was not my fault! And there is nothing you can do to force the Great Eddy McGee to-". Then he heard the sound of tearing paper and almost screamed his guts out. Ten dollar bill was torn into pieces. He deadpanned. "What do you want?"

Marie smiled devilishly. By the end of the dinner Sarah wil be once and forever out of the game.

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><p><strong>Sfo, here you are, guys. Hope, you like it! Question: Should I write fanfic about Ron, Don and John?<strong>


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